The most amazing thing happened with Little M this evening – it’s reminded me that we should always trust in our children to know when they are ready for new things, especially potty training.
I thought I’d share in case anyone else out there is getting frustrated with potty training, or worried their older toddler isn’t potty trained.
I’ve been feeling a bit down all week as Little M and I both have colds, his sleep has been a bit all over the place, as he’s dropping his nap and all in all, we’ve both been tired and cranky.
Then there was the comment I received from another parent, “Oh you didn’t potty train him yet?” which was the final straw.
Although I’m sure it wasn’t meant to be offensive the comment made me feel very down and insecure. Because the thing is, we have been gently trying to potty train Little M for a while – we bought his potty when he was 2! We’d read the potty books, we’d bought the fun undies, we’d talked about it, offered rewards, we’d tried pushing it and we’d tried ignoring it, but to no avail.
He just. Didn’t. Care. He was quite happy wearing diapers thank you very much and got very upset and anxious with the mere mention of taking them off and sitting on the potty.
So hearing this comment upset me. It was as though he wasn’t potty trained because I just couldn’t be bothered!
Little M is beautiful and bright and courageous. But he is also incredibly stubborn and strong willed. If he doesn’t want to do something, then he damn well won’t do it! But if he does want to do something, then just you try and stop him! (Important traits to be honest!) Anyway, we decided the only way was to trust and respect his judgment – and wait.
I had this plan in my head of having Little M all potty trained ready for his little sister’s arrival. Well that plan failed. He turned 3 just weeks before she was born. And the reality was, he was a little boy who was anxious about the idea of his mummy having another baby. So we waited.
Then baby arrived, within 2 months he also dropped his nap and dropped his pacifier. We decided the last thing he needed was pressure of the potty. So we waited.
Then SUDDENLY, this evening, at 3 years and (nearly) four months, right after bath time, after a whole week of me feeling like a terrible mother because “I didn’t potty train him yet’ – Little M suddenly announced “Need to go and sit on potty!” Then he ran to the potty and sat on it.
While I picked my jaw off the floor and briefly thought to myself “this is a terrible time, the baby needs a feed and it’s time for dinner” he then continued with “need to do a wee wee!” – followed by an actual wee wee on the potty!
An hour later, with ZERO prompting from me, there was not one but NINE wee wees on the potty (I think he was stopping mid flow to get more M&M’s – crafty!) He poured each one down the toilet himself, flushed, even rinsed the bowl himself and with little prompting wiped himself and washed his hands too!
Now. I know we still have a long way to go. It’s only one day and we need to keep this up. Then there’s poopies and night times to handle. Plus going out and about wearing undies. I’m not feeling too smug yet.
But. Actually. Just a little bit smug. Because after a week of feeling stressed about what I haven’t done as a mother, I have realised that I have done everything. I have given Little M the space and the opportunities to decide for himself when he is ready for something as important as toilet training.
So to the lady who asked “Didn’t I potty train him yet?” Well, no I didn’t. Because really, when it comes down to it, it’s not up to us, as parents, to potty train our kids. It’s up to us to provide them the tools. The support. The encouragement. But ultimately it’s up to our children to make that important decision to get on the potty and go.
I am so incredibly proud of Little M this evening. I’m proud that he’s proud of himself. And I am proud of myself for giving him the space to decide for himself, what’s right for him.
May I always remember to trust in him.
Do you have a stubborn toddler? Did you wait to toilet train? Any tips for me on moving forward are most welcome!
Alot of people seem to be in a rush for potty training but u really believe it’s when the child is ready. I tried my daughter at 2 and she didn’t have a clue and would just wee wherever. A few months later when nursery suggested it we tried again and nailed it in a couple of days! Thanks for sharing…I have all this to come again! #brillblogposts
Completely agree. Little M seems to have got the hang of it straight away – and I think it’s because we’ve waited. Aw, I know, us too – at least we know what to expect the second time around! x
Thank you. Yes I think trusting in our children is so important. If we listen to them then they show us the way don’t they. Thanks for stopping by.
Oh my god, this was exactly what I needed to read. If only you could see my smile right now and a sigh of relief 😉 I could have written this post (well, the first half only). Been gently and non-gently potty training my now 2.5 year old since a coupla months… he knows what to do and that nappies are for babies and everything (nursery plays a big part) but is just too comfortable/lazy in his nappies. At nursery, hes doing great but throws tantrums to sit on the potty when at home. Resulting in dry days at nursery and accidents at home. So ive just put it on the back burner for the moment. But I keep feeling the pressure to get it done with and this post was exactly what the doctor ordered! Great post. Thank you so much for sharing!!!
So glad you found it helpful and that it made you feel better! 🙂
At 2 and a half I would definitely NOT be worrying! That’s great that your son is doing so well at nursery. I am by no means an expert, but sounds to me you are doing the right thing to follow your instincts at home. I think any thing that becomes a power struggle is not worth the struggle!
You can definitely read too much on potty training and go round in circles, but I have found this article really useful:
http://www.ahaparenting.com/Ages-stages/toddlers/easy-toilet-potty-training
All the best and thanks for stopping by! x
I was glad to read I’m not the only one with a 3 year old who isn’t potty trained yet. Toby is 3 in a couple of weeks and like Little M he gets quite upset at even the suggestion of sitting on the potty. I ask him most days if he’d like to but that’s as much as I’m prepared to push it. I’m really hoping that by leaving it up to him he’ll decide when the time is right and it won’t be too stressful for any of us!
Don’t worry – you are not alone! I know how frustrating it can be when every 2 year old around you appears to be potty trained, but every child is different and will ultimately only train when they are ready.
Little M was just the same as Toby at 3 and with a new baby on the way I was definitely not going to push it! We carried on with the potty books, carried on mentioning it every so often etc, but knew with his strong willed personality that we would have to wait until he wanted to do it himself. We did find rewards helped with Little M. Some people don’t use rewards, but we found he needed a little bit of motivation.
I thought the day would never come, but Little M is finally in undies (except at night time) – he’ll turn 3 and a half in a few days. I honestly think the process has been much quicker and easier for waiting, so think you are doing the right thing to wait! Our doctor said by 3 and a half is usually more common for boys. A couple of months ago I didn’t even think we’d be there, but things can change very quickly in a 3 year olds life! Hang in there mummy – you are doing great! x
It’s important not to panic. Children pick up on your anxiety. When you stress about potty training children learn that it’s something to be stressed about. Whatever strategy, you choose to make sure you don’t saddle your child with an unrealistic expectation. When they do have accidents work to remain calm, change them quickly with little fuss and get on with the fun of the day.